Good bye my bibi (baby)

This blog no longer can be use. I lost the fight. As for you, I just want you to be happy with whom you will be with soon and good luck in your exams and also your future. I hope he can hug you as I did when ever you wanna fall, entertain you when ever you are bored or sad, will always look after your little heart cause I knew it's sensitive, and will always be there for you whenever you need..

Breaking up with you is the hardest decision I ever made in my entire life... But..
I love you so much, this is why I agreed to let you go..

Because, your happiness is more important then mine. I like to see your smiles and laughter, not your sadness and tears.I want to see your pretty smiles and be happy everyday, even the smiles and happiness is not because of me. I will be always praying and cherish for your happiness.
There is nothing left for me to write in here anymore..
Take care my only Star, you did light up the dark in my life, now I need to find my own path..

I want you to know that, never even once I feel regrets for being with you. It was a great moment that I never felt before.

Forgive me if I did hurt you, I tried to be the best out of the best for you ..

Thanks for everything, I will always remember the time we spent together.. Forever..

Be strong in future! Drink more water and don't fall sick anymore! Aja aja fighting!

do you love me?

(This photo describe me the best, will you accept my heart back?)

After the question about breaking up, and we back together.. I never felt happy.. I don't know what I did wrong, and you , seems like don't love me as the way you loved me before.

You've changed .. I never want to argue with you , cause I want you to know , that you will be safe with me , the only person who understand you and do make you happy..

I always do the best that I could for you , but you seems different person to me now. You seems like not enjoying your self when we were spending times together.
I know that if I couldn't make our relationship back like before.. I will have to face the question once again.. What I can do now is pray for our relationship as I love you so much , but I am not sure if you do feels the same to me..

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

(I'm doing the best for you, hope you notice that)

These past weeks I don't write much as I'm very tired , but I can't show it out in front of her .

These past weeks I notice that my health condition is getting worse, kept vomiting after I eat. I don't know if it's going to be okay.

But I don't care about that, what I'm worried now is about "us" since I don't feel our love is getting stronger.

I don't know what to do, what to say and how to react . I felt like my hand are tied up.

What I know is , I love you so much, and I know that I don't have the guts to lose you. Remember? You always scold me that I'm always busy with my stuffs, but did you notice, even I'm busy, I never left you alone but now seems that times is envy on us .. And you seems like running away from me. I can't say this out to you cause it might hurt you. I don't know what to do ,I just can act like I'm okay, and go on with it even I'm hurt.. Does love must be this hurt?

I've done the best that I could , and I will never stop nor give up. You're the girl for me, the only one that light up my life. I'll fight till you let me go, because I will never let you go..

Life goes by really fast, and it seems that there are times when you're burying a lot of friends and family. And then there are times that feel really precious and everybody is doing okay. This is one of those times.

-Amy Grant

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

Her 1st day working.

(I'll hold you forever until you let me go, I promise you this)

10 of May is her 1st day in this working world. She doesn't look excited at all , she felt scared to go to her office. I'm not sleeping to accompany her on that day. I'm happy to see my girl is a one mature girl that growing up in front of me.. Being with her since she is still young, School, College,University and now shes working. I'm with her by short message system (SMS) & calls , this is how I can show how much I care about her, giving her tips , chat with her when she was feeling sleepy and bored.I'm sure she's lonely over there *hugs*. She was having a hard time there , with the new atmosphere and the people around her.

Slowly she will overcome and get well along with it. I feels bad for falling asleep when she almost 30 mins going to finish work. My eyes was hardly to open for the past hours. I'm sorry dear..

After one hours sleeping , I heard my phone rang . We're talking for almost 20 mins plus , and she was very sleepy that time. So I told her to get her rest even I knew she will wake up by tomorrow (and even I'd miss her a lot) . She went to bed at 8.30pm *hugs and kisses* sleep tight dear.. ^^

I'm proudly to say, I manage to accompany her for the whole month! even I just got two and half hour sleeping time on that month. I knew you will be angry about this but sorry, I want to be there always... for you ^^

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

Punishment T_T"

(I'm the #1 happiest man in this world when I'm with you, and I'm not joking)

For falling asleep while chatting with her , this time I've been punished by her :(
Without no mercy , my lucky star punished my by writing an essay about her in 100 words. I've been doing it for the rest of the morning which usually I will be sleeping =3
So, here is the result :P

____________________________________________________________________

My Lobster

Its 6 a.m. and the sky was still in the darkness of an extremely cold evening. Most people are still sleeping at this time, but she is already awake for her University's classes. Full of determination on her mission which never fade from her mind.

Everyone knows that she is soft-hearted. She always get bullied wherever she goes, but she never wants to hurt those people around her and who did hurt her. What she usually do is just keep it inside, sometimes she will let it out by telling her best friend about it and sometimes her boyfriend. Even though she is almost 19 , mature for some people , but she is still a small girl which need attention from people around her. She never get enough space for her self , being forced to do things she sometime don't like to do and without complain, this little star done it all.

All her friend are welcomed by her appearance, anywhere she goes all are happy with it. This little star attitude has made all her friends feel happy to hang out with her because of her generosity, funny , understanding , kind and easy-going behavior.

A daughter, a sister and girlfriend that never failed to do her responsibility which has made her labeled as pearl in their heart, as a "lucky star" By her boyfriend.

I can never feel thankful to get such a perfect girlfriend as I got now. She is a dream girl that become a reality instead of just a dream. Her life experience has made me more vigorous to be with her, to make her life perfect with a happy ending. I also realize the invaluable gift of life and true happiness to view the world more optimistically and to believe in the brighter future with her.

I love you ^^

____________________________________________________________________

:D

P/S: Sorry lots of mistakes XD

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

(naughty bibi)

The date was awesome.. to me and to all that attend on that day. We had a great sweet memories to be remember. Let me tell how it went.

On the morning , I left from Penang at 1.30am in the bus nothing much happen, just that someone tried to open my bag when I'm sleeping. *sigh* I Arrived at 6am , had a breakfast with my friend while waiting for our train.. He waited for me to go 1st even his train already there waiting. Thanks man, I appreciated that ^^

She picked me up at Sungai Buluh and we had breakfast (again for me) at one mamak stall near her house while she go back for change.Arrived Sunway was easy , just took us about 40 minutes drive if I'm not mistaken. 1st when we were there , it was too early. Most of the shops aren't open yet , so the girls including my baby wanna try some jumping games? XD .. She looks funny and cute! when playing that game XD . After that we straight go to the cinema to buy "Iron Man" movie tickets , and lucky the Que just about to start.

As we line up , most of people we looking at us (I'm not sure if she notice or not) but I know , it's ain't easy to see Chinese Malay couple around.. hehe.. In the cinema , I'm not really watching Iron Man actually XD. I was watching her and playing with her hand XD .. We're being very cute in the cinema where she laying on my shoulder

Finished movies, we gone for lunch at sakae sushi, and I give her a couple kitchen and she give me a couple phone accessory, and she ask me not to look when she's doing that, because she send me a hamsap voice tones to my voice, and her sister called me and I was like "omg that's coming from my phone!" haha funny times :P

Next we went to a place called .. erm.. something goes with dream.... can't remember the full name XD . We took some picture together. After that we went to the big event .. Ice skating XD. It has been around , uhm.. 10 years? I never skate :O , but guess, I still got the basic .. When we're going to step inside the ring , she was kinda afraid to enter , so I go in 1st .. And give her my hand XD . She was not able to stand properly for that few mins at the start. So I just hug her inside the ring while teaching her how to move smoothly , I notice most of the people there was watching us two.. But who cares? She's my baby XD I traveled hundreds miles for her , I love her so much, nothing can stop me from showing my love to her right? XD.

Guess what , amazingly after few rounds .. She was able to move well , and we didn't fall at all *hugs*

After skating, we all were tired, and it's going to be dark, and it's time to me to go back Penang before I missed my bus. On the way back we got ourself lost, looking for the road back took us 3hours :'3 Asked police, and even policeman gave us wrong direction -.-" so I ask her to stop at 7eleven, and I ask that boy work there to give me a miss call if I'm lost again I'll call him, and the funny tones again appears sweat! haha

Finally , we did found our way to go back.. All was happy on that day.. Now , I'm started to miss her.. :P

P/S : When you girls reach home, I fell asleep in train and I missed my bus, I didn't sleep that whole night.. My phone out of battery and I can't call my friends that stays in KL. Hard times for me haha, but it worth the memories ^^

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

(A gift from her who always accompany me when playing games "Baby" )

Can say now we're back like 100% happy with funny jokes around , sharing , teaching , teasing and playing with each other.

I'd think a lot after she mention the "cursed" words to me last time . But since it's back to normal .. I'm very happy about it .. and this time I'll do even more better then last time , fix what I did wrong and improve what I did right .

I wonder , why bi still don't want to say the words sometimes .. Even I keep repeating the words "I love you", bi just reply me with a kisses sound .. But soon bi will say it out.. Slowly on this (Gambateh to my self)

Nowadays , I really don't play or facing PC a lot like I did before. More with books and books.. I love reading books since I'ma small boy , but after playing games .. =P no more time to spare with books =3 Sorry mom XD

She love the present I sent to her , and I'm so happy she like it =P

4 more days to go.. wish our date went excellent yah guys :P *prays*

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

(we're alike, you sick & I'm sick too, even this photo describe us well)

We're back together.. can say like , almost 90% back to normal..

she still having her exams, 2 more papers need to be done . *hugs* (all the best hun)

While me , I'm still scared as usual.. Can't expect whats coming ... but I hope , the dark clouds that appears before won't ever come again.. *prays* I've lost my bravery ..

Well , I'm now starting to focus on my educations back .. it's been 2 years I've took a break from studying .. needa back focusing on books back soon. So , this is the last year I'm going to be "Joe Hesleys" or Creator and President of Generation Clanx , I'll pass over to someone else that might can take care of the club like I've been looking for these past 3 years.. I've someone need to focus for 110% , no more games in future too hehes.. I might lost contact with you guys here . But the memories we had together , will always be in my heart ^^

For my baby , you are always cute to me.. I told you this , and you said no .. but the truth can't be change.. you're the only girl that I want to be with and the girl that will always be in my heart, and will remain be there forever^^ *hug and kisses* Every time I watch other girl , my eyes.. my heart , will just thinking about you.. =p (face it cause it's the fact hehe) so mai ask me to check other girl profile in facebook.. *poke nose* =p

Dear readers , wish for our happiness yah , and wish for my study will go well cause I'm really looking forward to finish it now.

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

6th day after the question

She's getting better , even she's still seems moody to chat with me , at least I can hear her laughter and it does makes me feels better . I sms her telling that I miss her voice , which I really do.. It's been almost a week we don't have a proper talk . So I called her , and we talk to each other for almost half an hour . From her voice , I notice that she seems angry at me , but she slowly will let it out . She don't want me to put down the phone , it's a sign that she's still love me . We were talking until she notice that she's late to send her mama to somewhere lol ... my baby ..

After talk with her , this time I do feel better , for 5 day I don't have enough sleep , eat , talk & laugh well . But today , I can .. I were at my mom's old house . She came down all the way from KL with dad and my youngest sister just to cheer me up . I did sleep well , till I feel like don't want to wake up anymore . Not forgot to mention , I ate a lot! (mom's cooking , you know..) .

At 6 O'clock , I've to drive back to the CC I worked to collect money about the cloth's that we're making . After reach there , I sms her , We chat back like we're before .. even she's still confuse ..

I'll slowly take her out from her confusion . At the night , I called her (her night night story) =p

We talked almost like 20 mins , because she's tired and want to go to sleep *hug her tight* . Sweet dreams baby..

She still love me , I knew that .. but the things that she think before still messing up her mind .

Baby , we'll walk it through .. slowly okay honey. Don't be sad , because I'll be sad too , but I won't show it out , cause I'm your stars.. will always shine for you when your darkest time..

*hope tomorrow will be even better*

Lots of love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star ~*

My Love Story..

5th Day after the question

It's still hunted me , I felt so scare even she gave me second chance . I don't know if we can get better , but I'm trying so hard to make it be better.. She's now focusing on her exam , so I suppose not to give her any pressure . I try to cheer her up, but I keep thinking about negative part. What make her out of sudden ask me, I still wish to know the reason. But I will slowly find it out , because I want to fix it if I could.

We were still taxing to each other, but she isn't like the way she are.. I miss the happy moment we had together , I feel so bad because she won't share with me her problem now a days , seems like I'm not the person that she trusted anymore , like before .. I'll be the person she will share her thoughts nor problem..

I miss you say "I love you bi" and the kisses you gave to me after any message. Even it's not really a big issue for someone , but it does for me.. the status on your facebook doesn't show that you're in relationship , why? I thought I have the second chance.

But on the 5th day after she and I were like on the end of our road , she slowly reply my message , with a topic . I hope it's not too late , I'm getting sick days by days . I can't sleep for the past 5 days , I keep vomiting , I can't have a perfect smile , I can't talk with anybody around me , I can't hold things properly.. my hands keep shaking.. shaking because I'm scare what will happen next, and I'm scare to lose you...

You act like there's nothing happen , but I knew , deep inside your heart.. you do love me.. For the years we passed together , walking happily on the same road. I wish I can take you with me , continue with our journey , because I'm scared to walk alone.

I love you so much . If there anything I could help , I want to help . Give me some trust . Don't be afraid if I found out the truth and it will hurt me, I'm scared if I don't find out the truth..

Dear readers , I love her so much .. everyone knows that.. Please help me if you have a way. I love my baby more then my life.

Lots of Love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star...

My Love Story

Even before this I told ya that I'm not going to type anything , but I changed my mind.

I want to tell you readers about my dear girlfriend.

I meet her in SDO-X (game) at the year of 2007

She is my very best friend on that time. After awhile we been couple for only 1 months + because she had another boy. I let her go because I know , it's hard for me to get her so , for her own happiness I should so that I'll happy to see the people I loved be happy , even not with me.

After like few months I didn't chat with her . I cant stop thinking about her , after awhile.. I pm her MSN , and tell that I just want to be friend with her as we were before. She agreed and I'm so happy even a bit sad hehe.. and again I'm getting close with her and I ask to be her brother again, and she agreed too ^^. Soon after that , she and her boyfriend that time broke up . So I try to cheer her up making her think about something.. Finally she managed to do so.. ^^

For 2 years plus I've been with her , always chat and help her with her problem , listen her story , making silly jokes . I never even once make her feel sad.. And she after awhile , can't stay if not chatting with me for a days.

Now she's 18 just finish SPM, and went into a Taylor's College Sri Hartamas at 2009. She just steps into a busy life , assignments , presentations & homeworks . But still I'll never left her , cheer her up , telling jokes , help on her assignments , and give inspiration for her.

Days passed , and she knew a guy .. they were being close together .. I'm a bit jealous .. but think back , there's no way for me to get her .. we're diff race tho , plus I'm far away lol. For her happiness ! I shouldn't stop her from being happy.. until her College are about on the last week , she told me that the guy asked her to be his girlfriend. But she decline.. because of some reason.. quite LC perhaps.. So I help my mui get her spirit back because I don't like to see her sad!

After that , we're getting very close to each others.. until on 24th of November 2009 I asked her to be my girl.. and know what guys? She did agree to be my girl! happiest day of my life! haha..

We promised to be with each other till the end of our life because we're tired .. and we are not interested to find anyone else already! Any problem will come ahead we will face together.. Cause we knew , there's lot to come =)

For the last 5 months I'm being with her.. it's the most happiest moment of my life , I thought I won't feel it anymore.. But with her.. I do :P every single day!

She never forget to wake me up, or sms me more then anybody possible do. but these two days , she seem change . Her blog that always write "Bi - hug & kisses" isn't there anymore. I thought she was stressed with her final exams. So I told her it's ok.

But........

On the 9th of April , I got a message from her.. telling me that she keep thinking about our future.. and asking for break up.. That time , I was with my friends.. And I... was shocked .. I ran out from the cyber cafe , sat beside the road , try to call her , she don't want to pick up.. I'm very scared that time , out of sudden she ask me this.. I'm confuse , scare , and I can't think well that time.. feel so mess up in my mind.. I even did jogging to chill down..

She said , she can't accept that she's going to be a Muslim.. and I wouldn't too if I'm on her place , she said..

Baby , I don't ask you to be.. if you don't want too.. We still have time.... "you can't fall in love if you don't know" beside, we're still young.. we're not going to get married tomorrow or next year.. it's going to be years to come.. I promised you that I'll make you happy , because I knew .. I can make you happy..

I never cry for 5 years .. And I did cry so bad because I scare of loosing you.. you took all my heart, not even a piece you left for me.. I can't take it back if you giving back too.. because I only can be alive if my heart are with you.. Don't give it back to me.. Please.... I never bag to anyone before.. You are the 1st .. Please baby.. We got time.. If there's a 3rd people who tried to mess up our relationship.. Don't listen to them.. Because We are for what we want to be... it's not them who to decide for us.. Our happiness , We decide.. I love you because not you're this or you are that.. I love you because you are Li Shan!

Love is blind , but we're the eyes.. Like I said , any relationship wont work well if there is not "trust".. So trust me because I trust you..

I'm still standing now , because I've lots of people who did come to me , giving me support and tips to get you back.. I don't know how to continue my life without you being around me.I really don't ......... I.. Love...You... Please don't dump me again... I've waited for so long... I really hope that we will be together no matter what will happen.. my waiting will not be a waste..

A message from my mom " my baby boy , don't do something stupid ok , you got people love you here.. take care dear , we love you" . I love you mom . I hope too that nothing will happen to me..

Lots of Love.. Just for you , My Dear , My Heart , My Life , My Star...